Monday, October 5, 2009
I need Motivation...
...to clean my house! It's a mess and I have zero energy. I think sitting outside in the sun while E played in his pool zapped my get-up-and-go! The heat down here is just ridiculous. Ugghh... ok, let me try to get motivated... 1-2-3... and off my ass...
Sitting outside...pondering
Sitting outside with E. He loves being outside. He observes everything... the wind blowing the leaves, the birds chirping, the squirrel running up the tree limb... If he is grumpy and you bring him outside, he is instantly happy and content. I love that about him. I think today I will fill up his pool again and let him enjoy it. It's hot... i think they said 91 degrees today. Already feels like 100.
We had a great weekend. Enjoyed each other. Well, O and I enjoyed E and enjoyed each other. T didn't feel like joining us on any outings and C was with his father. The kids always complain about doing stuff and then when we do they opt out. If you make them your day is miserable because they moan the entire time. So I gave up along time ago on forcing the issue. Maybe it is the age. I don't know. We stayed home all day Saturday and just relaxed. Sunday we went to the Jazz Festival and to the beach and then to P2's house for a birthday braai. A lot of people were at P2's... It was ok. I had a nice time, but mostly O and I talked and chatted with a few people here and there. Mingling is not my forte I suppose. I have always been that way though. People probably think I am weird... I suppose I am at times. If there are social butterflies... I am the worm.
I woke up in a good mood but as the day goes on I feel my mood becoming less and less jolly and more and more somber. Is that the right word... somber? Just... bla. The stresses of life get to me. And God knows I try so hard to stay upbeat. I tell O that at least we have a roof over our head and food on the table , a healty family and each other... at least we have a plan. But I am lonely. I think that is really the bottom line in all this. Not money. Not where we live or how we live. I just get lonely. I think about if I am lonely here, how will I feel when we move. But he truth is, there will be so many people around us I will probably welcome the times I am alone. I will miss the things that I know, but will be filled by the people and places I don't. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that the O's are in the loop, and there will not be many moments to shut myself off and feel sorry for myself... and that may be my saving grace. Or it will be my nail in the coffin. LMAO. Joke.
O and I had a tiff this weekend. Friday night. He said some hurtful things... but apologized the next day. The stress is taking it's toll on our marriage a little. But we talked a lot the rest of the weekend and I think we are on the same page. We need to communicate better on a regular/daily basis. We both know that and hopefully we will work harder on that in the future. There is no doubt that we love each other very much, and that will be why we will get through the hard shit.
So, that is my rantings for now. I feel better.
We had a great weekend. Enjoyed each other. Well, O and I enjoyed E and enjoyed each other. T didn't feel like joining us on any outings and C was with his father. The kids always complain about doing stuff and then when we do they opt out. If you make them your day is miserable because they moan the entire time. So I gave up along time ago on forcing the issue. Maybe it is the age. I don't know. We stayed home all day Saturday and just relaxed. Sunday we went to the Jazz Festival and to the beach and then to P2's house for a birthday braai. A lot of people were at P2's... It was ok. I had a nice time, but mostly O and I talked and chatted with a few people here and there. Mingling is not my forte I suppose. I have always been that way though. People probably think I am weird... I suppose I am at times. If there are social butterflies... I am the worm.
I woke up in a good mood but as the day goes on I feel my mood becoming less and less jolly and more and more somber. Is that the right word... somber? Just... bla. The stresses of life get to me. And God knows I try so hard to stay upbeat. I tell O that at least we have a roof over our head and food on the table , a healty family and each other... at least we have a plan. But I am lonely. I think that is really the bottom line in all this. Not money. Not where we live or how we live. I just get lonely. I think about if I am lonely here, how will I feel when we move. But he truth is, there will be so many people around us I will probably welcome the times I am alone. I will miss the things that I know, but will be filled by the people and places I don't. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that the O's are in the loop, and there will not be many moments to shut myself off and feel sorry for myself... and that may be my saving grace. Or it will be my nail in the coffin. LMAO. Joke.
O and I had a tiff this weekend. Friday night. He said some hurtful things... but apologized the next day. The stress is taking it's toll on our marriage a little. But we talked a lot the rest of the weekend and I think we are on the same page. We need to communicate better on a regular/daily basis. We both know that and hopefully we will work harder on that in the future. There is no doubt that we love each other very much, and that will be why we will get through the hard shit.
So, that is my rantings for now. I feel better.
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